Last night I read that Adam Levine had cheated on his gorgeous Victoria's Secret model wife!! I couldn't believe it. I didn’t think he would be the kind of person to cheat (even though he contends it wasnt an affair but that'sanother blog!!) I couldn’t believe that his beautiful wife wouldn’t have been good enough.. or enough... for him.
This isn’t the first time that a physically beautiful and professionally successful woman has been cheated on by her spouse or partner. Jennifer Garner, Sandra Bullock, Glen Stefani, Liz Hurley, Princess Di. The list is endless. So what is it that leads people to cheat?
I of course consulted my sister to unpack and deconstruct this apparent unnatural turn of events. Initially we both expressed a deep, dark fear that women globally feel when Victoria's Secret models are cheated on: what hope do we mere mortal women have if their man can't keep stay out of the DMs of other women?!?!
But why????
We came to the consensus that it is obviously evidence that cheating has absolutely nothing to do with the betrayed partner and everything to do with the cheating partner. It's not you, its them. Most often, something is lacking within that person. There are of course situations where the person having the affair has a personality disorder that requires specialised psychological intervention. What I’m talking about though is the generally good person who does a terrible thing when they aren’t feeling good about themselves. And yes ... even celebrities and successful people are not immune to negative self esteem or an existential crisis as middle age looms.
The blame game
For me, Adam Levine’s saving grace is that he has, at least publicly, taken full ownership of his actions. He’s holding himself accountable. He’s making amends to his wife and his family. He had alluded to a dark time in his life. He hasn’t blamed his wife or her pregnancy for the cheating. Unlike Ben Affleck who lost points with women suggesting that the magestic Jennifer Garner was in some way the problem. No Ben, you are the problem. Adam hasn’t given the impression that he felt entitled to do it because of his celebrity (or abs). And I get the sense that he is wholeheartedly apologetic. How a man reacts to these indiscretions coming to light is an indicator of his character.
My now ex husband blamed me, my career, my focus on our children, my medical conditions, and my anxiety for his cheating. And he told me several times that, at least the affair he confessed to, was divinely inspired and necessary, and that he was unapologetic ... the last one made our marriage counsellor raise her eyebrows and she challenged him on it! I wanted to high five her but I sat there, shell shocked by his audacity. And shocked anyone would have found that attitude attractive enough to cheat with him. And even with months of counselling, he continued to tell me it was my fault. And the real clincher? He didn’t regret cheating. His only regret was that I was hurt by knowing about his affair.
Grieving & healing
My heart breaks for Adam Levine’s wife. Processing and coming to terms with your partner’s infidelity and betrayal is physically exhausting and emotionally draining. Your entire soul is crushed and your universe completely shattered. You feel humiliated as it is, but to have to endure that plus having the matter played out in public would be a whole new level in humiliation.
I hope she's able to rebuild herself without having to worry about his feelings. This requires her focusing on herself and getting professional support and counselling to help her through the grieving and healing processes.
And if there are any other women out there who want to lay claim to having f^%d Adam Levine, or sent him sexy pics, or exchanged flirty messages, please have some class and some respect for the girl code and keep it to yourself. Let his wife deal with the mess without adding further to her pain and humiliation.
#infidelity #sexology #healing #adamlevine #Victoriassecret #sexologist #psychosexualtherapy #affairs #whypeoplecheat #healingafterinfidelity #cheating
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