Liv Thompson is the owner of Awakening Intimacy Healing & Counselling. She completed her Master of Science in Medicine (Sexual & Reproductive Health - Psychosexual Therapy) at University of Sydney and has a Diploma of Counselling. She also has a Master of Teaching and Bachelor of Economics, and spent the last 23 years as a high school teacher and special education consultant. Liv is the proud mum to a sassy mini dachshund ... and two human adult sons.
For much of my 26-year marriage, I was disconnected from my sensual feminine. I was moody and easily irritated. I lacked patience as a mum and had very little energy. And worst of all, I had ZERO interest in sex. I was subconsciously OK with my period lasting up to three weeks and being excruciatingly painful as it gave me a legitimate excuse not to engage in intercourse with my husband, without fear of infuriating him!!!!
My husband’s reaction to my lack of desire was to blame, chastise, shame, ridicule, and buy me ridiculous supplements claiming to increase a woman’s libido. He would go days without speaking to me or interacting with me as punishment for my lack of desire! Which only further added to my reluctance to be intimate with him ... but that's a whole other post. (Side note … we’re no longer married)
And back then, information about and support for female sexual disorders was limited.
I finally set out in search for a ‘cure’ for my sexual brokenness! But once I understood the difference between sensuality and sexuality (they are not interchangeable terms!!), I embraced it wholeheartedly … for ME … not for him. I liked how I felt. I liked the new energy I had. I became less anxious at work. My mindset shifted and I feel I became less uptight as a mum and the bond I now have with my adult sons continues to be dynamic and soul nourishing.
The research into female sexual disorders and their treatment still isn’t anywhere near as extensive as it is for male sexual functioning issues. But there have been developments in that area. And there is more discussion in society about female sexual issues in general. Sexology – the study of human sexuality – is mainstream in universities around the world. Psychosexual therapy is becoming more recognised as a specialty area in counselling.
Being beautifully supported by a female psychosexual therapist who provided a safe space for me to process my thoughts and emotions, was the breakthrough I needed to get my mind and body energetically aligned.
But there are some simple things you can do at home to help reconnect to your sensual feminine and start to feel aliveness.
Discover what excites and inspires you – explore your interests and passions. Try new things. Get out of your comfort zone every so often. Say yes to new experiences. Book that class you always wanted to do. Take up that hobby you never seem to have time for. Go on that trip you’ve been dreaming of. When you’re intellectually and spiritually excited and inspired, it flows into other aspects of your life … including your sensuality!
Embrace the feminine as strength – although women have been considered the ‘weaker’ sex, there is a strength that comes with being a woman. Own it!! Intuition, patience, compassion and tolerance are powerful qualities. Recognising this can help to tap into your sensual feminine and increase your self-confidence.
Prioritise self-care – this is not being selfish. This is taking time to relax and recharge your soul. As women, we tend to put ourselves last … our children, partners, parents, etc are our priorities. But you can’t keep nurturing when your batteries are drained. Mental and physical health should be a major focus in our self-care routine.
Connect to sensual movement – movement helps to shift our inner energy in our bodies. Learn salsa dancing, put your favourite playlist on and dance. At the beginning of my journey, I went to a Shiva Shakti dance/movement workshop, and it made me feel reinvigorated and closer to my authentic self. Now, sensual movement helps to centre and ground me when I’m feeling anxious or restless … and it gets my desire flowing!
Create a sacred space – set up a space where you can be completely free to be unashamedly you without judgement or distractions. It could be your bedroom, or the spare room. Light some candles, play some soothing sensual music, remove phones and other electronic devices so that you can focus on being present in the moment with your mind, body, and soul. And do whatever you want in this space … journal, meditate, practice breathwork, explore your mind, body, and soul.
Connecting to your sensual feminine isn’t about sex … although that is an aspect of it. Its about being confident in yourself as a woman and feeling empowered to be your authentic self. Doing what brings you joy, happiness, and calmness will help to align your inner sensual feminine with your mind and body.
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